Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Great Video Game Debate, Take 2: PLATFORMERS

Next video game topic for debate between me and my friends at Soulkerfuffle and LastBestAngryMan is "the top Platformer game of all time."

To begin, we need to mention one title in particular that would have far surpassed all other games in this genre, had it been officially released. Yes, I am talking about Rushan Special Forces. With innovative characters like the Red Machine Gun Man and the Blue Ninja (whose special abilities included the revolutionary "fake jump"), this game was poised for absolute awesomeness. Unfortunately for the developer, plans fell into the hands of Konami, who released their own version, Rush'n Attack, first.

But I digress...

#5 Mega Man 2 (NES)

It was absolutely ridiculous. You're a little blue robot who runs around and blows up the evil robot goons of the maniacal Dr. Wily. The part that made it so great was after you defeated one of the bosses (Air Man, Wood Man, Metal Man, etc...), you got to use their powers. Crash Bombs forever!!! It's now available as part of the Wii Virtual Console too!!!

#4 Goonies II (NES)

I may catch hell for this one, but god damn did I love this game, which was loosely based on the movie. Ok, by "loosely" I mean "nothing at all like." You played as Mikey Walsh (aka Sean Astin), shot different monsters and the dreaded Fratellis with a slingshot, tossed around Molitov cocktails, and saved your friends. I can't remember the rest of the plot, but who cares.

#3 Super Mario Brothers 64 (Nintendo 64)

The thing I remember most about SMB64 was how expansively 3D it was (I believe this really established the 3D Platformer). It was a long and challenging game, but it never got boring. Frustrating at times, but never boring. Extremely well-balanced and fun.

#2 Contra (NES)

Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start. Just about anyone will be able to tell you what that is. Embedded in the code for this entertaining Platformer was the first extremely well known cheat code. Frustrated gamers everywhere can thank Konami for their insight - now just about every game on the market comes complete with cheats.

#1 Castlevania (NES)

My fiancee doesn't play video games (except for Wii Sports Bowling) or really have any interest in computers or gaming. She can, however, recognize the Castlevania music within like three notes. That's how you know a game was good - people who aren't "gamers" still remember it. It was extremely challenging (I hated that damn little Igor) and extremely entertaining. And the music was cool. Thankfully, Uwe Boll hasn't realized it never has been made into a movie...

It was really hard to narrow down this list to the top 5. Other notable runners up include Friday the 13th, Metroid, Pac Man, Altered Beast, Kid Icarus, Kung Fu, the original Super Mario Brothers, and Bionic Commando.

Worst Platformer: Gyromite

Gyromite was one of two games designed to use Nintendo's Robotic Operating Buddy. This piece of useless garbage (it straight up didn't work) was originally packaged with the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1985, but thankfully removed when (and this is just my conjecture) some top Nintendo brass realized the thing was crap. The game was much more fun when incorporating my own version of the R.O.B. - the Real Operating Brother. He just pushed the buttons the lame robot was couldn't manage to hit. The game was fun then.


Using advanced computer modeling, we have been able to generate what we believe is an accurate portrait of the Soul Kerfuffle blogger's first child:


At January 24, 2008 at 9:30 AM , Blogger robustyoungsoul said...

First off, let me agree that Rushan Special Forces would have been magnificent. I need to scan some of those pages of design sometime and share them with the rest of the world. When I am recognized as the greatest person to ever live, people will be awed that I was able to design something so complex at such a tender age.

Now, on to your list. I like the choices of Mega Man 2 (which was the best of the Mega Mans), Contra, and Castlevania (although Symphony of the Night was better as I have already explained), but your choice of worst ever is nothing short of appalling.

Gyromite was an awesome, awesome game. ROB was an experiment gone horribly awry, but he was still tons of fun (until he mechanically broke down) and playing the game with ROB was great. Yes, you could cheat quite easily and get someone else to just push the buttons for you, but that defeats the purpose. In Wii Sports, you can hit 600 foot home runs with regularity if you snap your wrist, but it is much more fun to play as designed and take a full baseball swing.

I'm guessing that one of the following probably happened to make you not like Gyromite and ROB:

1) Your clumsy ass broke ROB
2) Having to concentrate on more than one thing at a time caused your brain to melt
3) Your friendless ass was cuddled up to ROB one night and you destroyed him

Compared to Captain Novolin, Gyromite was the Mona Lisa of platformers.

At January 24, 2008 at 10:20 AM , Blogger robustyoungsoul said...

Don't listen to them ROB, our love is true.



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