Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The $700 Billion College Beer Run

As we all know (unless you were living under a rock), the $700 Billion dollar financial bailout plan was nixed in the House of Representatives by a vote of 228 to 205 yesterday. I'm not here to debate the benefits or problems with this plan, so please dispense with any notion of finding any witty or intelligent financial banter in this blog - I am the LAST person anyone should look to for that.

What I do find interesting, however, is how the whole thing went down in the Hiz-ouse. It reminded me of one glorious aspect of higher education: the interrelation and group dynamics of late teenagers and early adults with regards to procuring necessary supplies in a hunter-gatherer dormitory situation.

In other words, from my read it kinda went down like a college beer run.

700 billion ounces of fun. Who
wants to do a bailout stand!?!?!?!

The Republicans are that friend with the car and the really good fake ID. They're kind of a dick most of the time but are tolerable and even necessary at times.

Nancy Pelosi is the friend with the uncontrollably big mouth who REALLY doesn't like the friend with the aforementioned car and good fake ID. They make a habit of saying the worst thing possible at the worst possible time.

Scenario: it's the Friday night before homecoming weekend (the time you absolutely NEED alcohol), and if you're going to party in your dorm room, you really need the dick friend (Republicans) with the fake ID and the car so you can get beer. You don't like it, but sometimes you have to pander to that dick in order to get what you want. You have to thank him profusely, give him like $20, and maybe even let him hang out with you for a few hours while he gives you insight into all of his opinions.

Unfortunately, as that dick friend arrives in your dorm room all ready to drive out and get you beer at 6:00 PM on this crucial Friday night, your loud mouth friend (Pelosi) says something really stupid about what kind of an asshole the other friend is for drinking all the beer left over from last week. You know for a fact that they BOTH drank all the beer last weekend, but hate each other so much that they'll go to the grave trying to shirk the blame off on the other one. The friend with the ID and the car gets really pissed off, and leaves. For the next few weeks all they do is both talk about how the other one ruined homecoming weekend.

The end result: no beer for anyone. Then you realize you just need a whole new group of friends.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home